In this episode of Ask Dr. Jodi, I explore how guided meditations can be a powerful tool for healing from abusive relationships. Whether you've experienced subtle or significant forms of abuse, this episode provides insights and practical steps to help you move forward, release emotional pain, and reclaim your sense of self.
Abusive relationships leave lasting effects—emotional, psychological, and even physical. In this episode, I discuss what defines an abusive relationship and the invisible scars it can leave behind. I explain how guided meditations allow you to access your subconscious, create space for healing, and reframe your experiences in a safe and empowering way. You’ll also learn practical tips for starting a meditation practice, even if you’re new to it or have a busy mind.
Key Takeaways
Resources
Start small by creating a safe and comfortable space for meditation, explore guided meditation practices, and commit to your healing journey with the support of tools and resources that resonate with you.
Thank you so much for listening to Ask Dr. Jodi! If you enjoyed today’s episode, please take a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share it with someone who needs inspiration or help to heal!
[00:00:00] Dr. Jodi Aman: Good evening. Tonight we're gonna talk about how guided meditations can help you heal, could help you heal from so many things, everything. Specifically, we're gonna talk about how it helps you heal from abusive relationships because you might think that, oh, I picked this very small topic, how guided meditations can help us heal from abusive relationships.
[00:00:24] Dr. Jodi Aman: Does not all of us feel like we've had abusive relationships or know if we've had them or not, but many of us have, even if they're slight. Let me give you the definition of an abusive relationship. It means that there is a power difference and the relationship and the person who has power is using power over the other person.
[00:00:50] Dr. Jodi Aman: That's it. That is the definition. So that can mean so many different things. It can mean someone who's trying to manipulate, even if it [00:01:00] doesn't necessarily work and they're not successful or they're not successful all the time. Sometimes relationships could be abusive at times and not abusive at times.
[00:01:12] Dr. Jodi Aman: Sometimes abuse could go both ways in a relationship, but no matter what happens, even if we don't know it as abuse, it affects us. It affects us very deeply and that's what we're gonna talk about in this video and that's how I'm gonna help you get access to heal in this video. Guided meditations are a way in, let me explain, because we have so much fear all the time.
[00:01:40] Dr. Jodi Aman: We are tracking so many things all the time. There's a lot going on in our life that we're in our awareness. Things that we have to pay attention to and things that we don't have to pay attention to are competing for our attention. And so we feel very scattered. We [00:02:00] feel very cluttered inside our mind.
[00:02:02] Dr. Jodi Aman: Usually our house is cluttered too, if that's the case, and we're overwhelmed by all that. So there's really no space to heal. You need bandwidth. You need space. You need,
[00:02:14] Dr. Jodi Aman: I don't know some girth to Take that time to heal. And usually in regular life it doesn't happen. We don't have that. We're just going. And often if we've had abusive relationships in the past, we have consequences of that trauma, we've consequences of those relationships. And they might make us get busier 'cause we think it's protecting ourself and make us feel like we need to be busier so that we prove our worth.
[00:02:45] Dr. Jodi Aman: Busier because if we stop, then we'll get really anxious, busier than if we stop, someone could hurt us, we'll be vulnerable. There's so many different reasons why we keep a very busy life after experiencing something like. [00:03:00] Even if you don't think it's affected you, it probably has somewhere. And that doesn't mean you haven't healed.
[00:03:06] Dr. Jodi Aman: Many of you have had abusive relationships in the past, but you have healed from them. And I am so happy for you that you have, because it's possible. And I see you and I know that you worked really hard to get there and wow, you're, you get to read the benefits of no longer being pinned under. That identity or those consequences of that abusive relationship.
[00:03:31] Dr. Jodi Aman: And so for those of you who haven't yet or are working on it, I am gonna help you out in this video. So this is what I really, my notes are upside down. My first pages on the bottom here. I couldn't get my camera on, so I started a bit late, and so you might see a little bit of frazzled, but I need a guided meditation right now to calm me down for my own abuse in my head of saying you never get the technology right every week.
[00:03:58] Dr. Jodi Aman: So there's always, this [00:04:00] is what happens if we're bullied by anyone ever. We pick up that torch and continue to bully ourself in our own head. So if you were bullied by anyone, now abusive relationships, they could be that bully. In middle school, I had several very painful time.
[00:04:17] Dr. Jodi Aman: At the time they were trying to develop who you are and trying to figure out the world and to have somebody bully you, man, it cuts right in. That can't, it just goes right into your subconscious and it affects our belief system. It affects how we see ourself. It affects how we see the world.
[00:04:34] Dr. Jodi Aman: It affects all of our relationships because we get concerned about it happening again, or we don't think we're worthy because we let that happen. We think it's our fault and because we let that happen. If you're like, what is she talking about after something that happens to people really often, they end up blaming themselves.
[00:04:51] Dr. Jodi Aman: And I explained it in last week's video, so you could go ahead and check that out. When I'm talking about the amygdala it's really crucial. That was one of my favorite [00:05:00]episodes and I always say that every time because I love what I teach. I love people knowing what I have to share. So I love every episode.
[00:05:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: I say it after everyone and people are gonna think I'm ridiculous, but it's actually really genuine and. I love these topics, and that's why I like to share 'em with you because I feel like they healed me to understand myself. And I definitely wanna give it to everybody that I know, everybody who could watch this video.
[00:05:27] Dr. Jodi Aman: I help my clients with it every day. And when I see their transformation, I'm thinking, I can't hold this in. I have to deliver it to more people. And that's why I started this show. Ask Dr. Jody and listen, I don't have a guest on today, but you could sign up. Go to https://jodiaman.com/live I talked to you best, https://jodiaman.com/live, and you could sign up to get live coaching, right on the show, tell me what's going on.
[00:05:52] Dr. Jodi Aman: We'll create a topic and then you tell me about what's going on for you. And I will coach you live and listen, if you're like, [00:06:00] I'm not gonna share my dirty laundry with everyone on the internet, you could be anonymous. You could just have your voice on here and no one will know who you are.
[00:06:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: We won't put any other identifying information. You could even change your name. And so please come on and let me help you. Okay? So even if you're not even in the us, that would be okay. You'd have to speak English because it's an English speaking. Show though alright. Let's think about the definition of abuse power over somebody.
[00:06:27] Dr. Jodi Aman: Somebody using power over somebody. So in a bullying relationship, that's not natural to have power. Someone is trying to get it and using power tactics to get it over somebody else. Usually happens when a person feels out of control themselves. All aggression is really an anxiety disorder. Their emotions are dysregulated and they have to use power over someone else to regulate and calm themselves.
[00:06:53] Dr. Jodi Aman: That's why it happens. That's why people are mean. That's why people use power tactics. It's [00:07:00] not because they don't like you it's not because you're undeserving or you're unworthy or you invited it somehow. It's because they don't like themselves or they don't feel comfortable in the world. They're afraid or they're panicking, or they're dysregulated somehow and they are looking to you.
[00:07:22] Dr. Jodi Aman: When they control you, it feels they get some semblance, some pseudo idea that they have power. It's unsustainable, so they have to keep doing it. It doesn't really help them feel better in the long run. It's just instantaneous. They got power. You, it's like a hit of a drug and then they feel better and then they have to do it again, and they actually mostly forget.
[00:07:43] Dr. Jodi Aman: They even did. And they treat you like that never happened. And you're like, did I make that up? Am I overreacting? That's all on purpose actually. Sometimes they know, they forget about it. They know. They want you to forget about it. So on purpose, they gaslight you to try to [00:08:00] make you forget.
[00:08:01] Dr. Jodi Aman: And sometimes they just put it out of their mind because they just don't wanna go there. They wanna never be the one to blame, and you're the one that they could blame about why they're abusing you. All right, tangent there. Okay, so they affect us, and this could be a parent abusing a child, could abuse a parent, a peer siblings.
[00:08:23] Dr. Jodi Aman: It could be coworkers or a boss. It could be romantic partners, which is quite often what happens. Abusive relationships happen in these significant relationships. If it was a neighbor, they could definitely be abusive, but you could get away. Sometimes a neighbor is hard because a neighbor is in your neighborhood and you're like, that's where you live all the time.
[00:08:44] Dr. Jodi Aman: So sometimes you could go in your house or you might not see them that much, but sometimes a neighbor could be very threatening, an abusive neighbor because, I don't know, they could call the police on you or they could blow you in for something. Not even that you did it. There's a lot of [00:09:00] worries.
[00:09:00] Dr. Jodi Aman: A lot of ways a neighbor could abuse you. They could just yell at you, make you feel scared in your own house. All kinds of things, right? Financial, so there's different kinds of abuse as well that there could be financial abuse that somebody who's controlling all the money or manipulating you for money could be physical abuse.
[00:09:21] Dr. Jodi Aman: We always think of that. We think of abuse as physical abuse, but there's so much other kind of abuse
[00:09:26] Dr. Jodi Aman: very harmful, sometimes more harmful, sometimes equally harmful. They're both all harmful in different ways. There's sexual abuse, there's emotional abuse, and then psychological abuse. And people ask me, what's the difference between emotional abuse and psychological abuse? Psychological abuse is mental abuse.
[00:09:44] Dr. Jodi Aman: So mental is our thoughts, our ideas, and our thoughts. Emotional as feelings. So somebody takes advantage of people's emotions. Sometimes when they try to make you feel guilty or they try to make you feel sympathetic so that you do what they you want them [00:10:00] to do. It's a manipulation, and sometimes they make you think that you're wrong.
[00:10:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: Like they'll argue against what you're thinking to make you sound wrong or they'll gaslight you. That's more psychological. So it's about how you think and what you believe. That's what they're taking advantage there, but equally. Negatively consequential on your life, right? So then there is these invisible scars that happen after abuse.
[00:10:32] Dr. Jodi Aman: So if you're abused, sometimes there's physical scars and sometimes there's these invisible scars. And we're gonna talk a little bit more about what those are. Those are, we call them consequences of abuse. So consequences of the trauma. What? What are. What are the effects on your life of having that experience and the effects on your life?
[00:10:57] Dr. Jodi Aman: Could be beliefs that you have, like limiting [00:11:00] beliefs you have about yourself. They could be negative ideas about yourself, negative ideas about relationships. Difficulty trusting. Trusting yourself, trusting other people. Sometimes it makes it really hard, social anxiety. It's hard to be around people because you feel like someone's gonna see you, and that's quite vulnerable in that relationship.
[00:11:20] Dr. Jodi Aman: That was really vulnerable. You stuck out at all that person that could trigger that person and they could attack. And so you, if you're in an abusive relationship for a while, you try not to go on the radar. You're trying to ride under the radar. Those skills, even when the abuser is gone, those skills continue and they helped you survive.
[00:11:44] Dr. Jodi Aman: So we don't wanna poo them and say, those are maladaptive. No, they are amazing survival skills and they helped you survive. They may not help you succeed in how you currently want your life. So some of those skills were great and they helped you s strive, but I [00:12:00]wanna honor them. But. they can be retired But most people hate them 'cause they're so mad about how they're affecting their life now.
[00:12:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: But it's like Marie Kondo, you gotta love the thing and think it so much and then release it. And that changes everything because when you're trying to push it away and I hate this, it make, it keeps me having trust issues keeps me from having good relationships. I you're mad at yourself or you're judging yourself because you have trust issues that's just attaching you to the trust issues.
[00:12:31] Dr. Jodi Aman: If you say, I gotta be really careful. Thank God that I learned that and I developed that skill and it saved me. Thank God it helped me get through. Thank you so much skill. I honor you. I'm so happy that you helped me. I don't need you right now in my life. If I ever need you again, you'll be right there for me.
[00:12:50] Dr. Jodi Aman: I know it. No attachment. You see the difference in the energy of those two things, total different energy. [00:13:00] One is an attached energy and one is not an energy, and the attached energy is an urgent energy and a desperate energy and a worried energy and a worthless energy approving it energy. Those are attachment energies and they just cause more chaos in our lives, and the abuse already caused a lot of chaos in.
[00:13:26] Dr. Jodi Aman: So we talk about all these consequences. Consequences on behavior, consequences on your thoughts and your emotions, because when we had those abusive relationships, of course we laid down memory in our amygdala, and then we're gonna have some flashbacks, or we're gonna have some triggers when other people are angry or other people find mistakes or whatever it is that might trigger us to be nervous.
[00:13:48] Dr. Jodi Aman: That's why we stay away from people because there's so many ways we could get triggered because of these past experiences. That is emotional consequences, really physiological, because [00:14:00] it's the, it's a sympathetic nervous system, which is a physiological system. So it's not even something's wrong with your emotions.
[00:14:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: No. This is a physiological system that our body created to keep ourselves safe and it triggers even when we don't need it, literally for safety. Even when we're triggering a past memory, but that person's not there to hurt us anymore. So there's emotional consequences and then there's the mental consequences, the beliefs that we had, the beliefs that we had, that we came from, what that person said about us.
[00:14:40] Dr. Jodi Aman: Or that the fact that it happened or all of that, right? These belief systems that are created from those experiences affect us hugely. And these beliefs, we could pull 'em out of our subconscious and see them, and then it's easier to let go. And I do that a lot in my work once you [00:15:00] realize it, once you realize that fear, once you realize that limiting belief, it's so much easier to change your mind about it.
[00:15:06] Dr. Jodi Aman: And let it go. You still have to, it's still gonna come back, and you have to keep letting it go. It's a whole process. But if you, so the so emotional, there's a, the mental right, the beliefs. Then there's the physical, which goes along with the emotional. Really the, you can't separate any of these. Our emotional consequences, our physical consequences, our financial consequences, our psychological consequences, totally all connected.
[00:15:35] Dr. Jodi Aman: How we think is how we feel in our body, how we feel physically, how we feel emotionally all connected. Like you can't separate this stuff out. So we need to access this. A lot of these things get stored in the subconscious 'cause there's so much to our every day. A lot of times we don't wanna go down in there.
[00:15:56] Dr. Jodi Aman: So there's so much we just gather around ourself and we [00:16:00] fill our life with all of this stuff because we don't wanna go down there.
[00:16:06] Dr. Jodi Aman: So let's get together meditations, because as you could imagine how, where I'm going with this is. Guided meditations or meditations in general, or a hypnosis or some kind of music. These things, there's lots of things actually movement allow us to access that part of our mind, that subconscious part of our mind.
[00:16:35] Dr. Jodi Aman: And if we're able to access that part of the mind, we could do the healing that we need to do there and release some of these things, some of these consequences that no longer serve us in our life. So that's what I'm bringing to you. These invisible scars are down there. Now, the reason why guided meditations or a guided visualization, so a guided meditation [00:17:00] just means there's a story involved in it.
[00:17:02] Dr. Jodi Aman: You are closing your eyes and you're imagining yourself doing something like going to a beach and talking to somebody and having a conversation about some problem in your life or something that you're concerned about or getting some advice that you've been looking for, but you're really talking to your higher self.
[00:17:20] Dr. Jodi Aman: But it's easier to think about sitting across from somebody having a conversation and asking questions, and it's really your higher wisdom that answers you. But we're too busy in regular life to get those answers, but they're accessible to us. Whether you think of that as your higher self or higher consciousness, or whether you think of that as spirit or God or Jesus or whatever you believe that is, there's something beyond us to access this higher wisdom inside ourself like this collective consciousness.
[00:17:57] Dr. Jodi Aman: Our one mind, [00:18:00] there's a way to access that and healing could happen really quickly there and safely. This is the thing is that the guided meditations happen in your imagination, and Maryanne William said that the imagination is the womb to through which the new world is created. So you're starting in your imagination and you're planting a seed of the new dream or the new way you wanna be, or your new identity or like you, without all that stuff attached to it.
[00:18:34] Dr. Jodi Aman: And you plant that seed in there and that imagination and it's safe in there. Your imagination is safe. Nothing bad could happen to you there. You have a hundred percent of control over that. But nothing bad could happen to you in your imagination. And so it's a safe place. And usually in our regular day there's so much fear because there's so much stimulation and there's so much worry about [00:19:00] stuff and lack of trust that it is really hard to do this work and access this 'cause.
[00:19:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: The fear keeps us from accessing that subconscious guided meditation. Lets.
[00:19:17] Dr. Jodi Aman: It's simple, and people who've been abused, I have to tell you that people who have been abused have this ability. People call it disassociation, but disassociation is a skill. Don't forget if you were really severely abused and you didn't feel really comfortable and you were able to go somewhere in your mind to a safer place, that's an amazing skill.
[00:19:39] Dr. Jodi Aman: So when I did retreats for people who've been sexually abused or when I've worked with people, other people in my work that have been abused, they, it is so easy for them to drop into a guided meditation and imagine as they've really developed those skills in their imagination, in terms of knowing [00:20:00] how to escape or knowing how to be safe, even if it's just inside themselves.
[00:20:08] Dr. Jodi Aman: It's really accessible. It's really accessible.
[00:20:11] Dr. Jodi Aman: Okay so because you don't have the fear, you don't have the emotion, like all the emotional upsetness about an event and the, you get to observe what's going on or how to heal, or the answers or the calmness or the letting go, or what it's like to let go without all of those emotions.
[00:20:33] Dr. Jodi Aman: This is what we're trying to access with guided meditation. And just to summarize, just to, so you're clear, like I have a 21 day guided meditation series that I that I have for you. You could find the link below 21. It's called Living Free 21 Day Guided Meditation series. So if you, this is what happened.
[00:20:54] Dr. Jodi Aman: I made this series like years ago. I wrote these meditations and I recorded [00:21:00] them. In a matter of two or three weeks, four people came up to me and told me that they listened to my guided meditations from, I wanna say it was like eight years ago they, and so I said I have to bring those back.
[00:21:16] Dr. Jodi Aman: I have to bring those back because that's like a sign from the universe that I have to put these meditations back out. If four people are asking me about them. Okay, so this leads to a state of greater awareness. Now, when we are living our consequences of trauma or the consequences of abuse, we are so protecting ourself that we're staying small, right?
[00:21:39] Dr. Jodi Aman: We're really, because the adrenaline, we're really focused on points to make sure we're safe. We're like, it's really like small and focus focus. Guided meditations gives us this access to this greater awareness, right? Without the fear of making us be like, okay, go. But without that, we could really get this [00:22:00] greater awareness, this space of greater awareness.
[00:22:03] Dr. Jodi Aman: And when we're in that space of greater awareness, your emotions are even lower. We get perspective to see things from different angles. We understand things in new ways because we have that greater awareness and we don't have the fear getting in our way or the emotions getting in our way. So number one is you're accessing your subconscious.
[00:22:25] Dr. Jodi Aman: Number two, it brings you into the state of greater awareness. Number three, it helps you practice. It helps you practice taking your attention on one thing and putting it on another, and this practice is gonna help you the whole rest of the days, the day, the days and the week, whatever. As you do guided meditation your mind's wandering and doing this and that, and the back flips and everything that it does, and thinking about everything, and you're like, okay, hold on.
[00:22:55] Dr. Jodi Aman: I gotta focus on. Jody's words are the words of the guided meditation. [00:23:00] Whoever's, whoever recorded it or was ever speaking through it. If you're in a, at a live place and if you and so you just could refocus on the voice or refocus on the story, your mind's going. You refocus on the story mind's going, refocus on the story.
[00:23:15] Dr. Jodi Aman: That practice is something that you're gonna be able to do the rest of the day. In a huge way. That's why we meditate in general. We could get control over where we put our attention, but it takes practice for us to do that, and that is one of the best benefits of meditation in general. There's lots of kinds of meditation guided Meditation is just one kind of meditation.
[00:23:40] Dr. Jodi Aman: But this kind of meditation is great for beginners because there's a story to pay attention to, especially if you're an overthinker or if you've had trauma in the past. It is really helpful to have a story that goes along and guides you through the process. First of all, you don't feel so alone. Not only is there the voice, like my voice, if [00:24:00] you're listening to mine, there's also that character that you're meeting, for example, on the beach and talking to.
[00:24:10] Dr. Jodi Aman: That gives you this sense of safety. You have your imagination, which gives you safety. You have the voice which gives you something to pay attention to. And so it's easier than just clearing the mind 'cause that could feel very scary, especially if you have any trouble with worries or anxiety to try to clear the mind and not think about anything.
[00:24:31] Dr. Jodi Aman: That's often where our anxiety comes in, like at night or driving or somewhere like that. That's when the anxiety comes in. So it's very scary to start meditation. If you're someone with anxiety, a guided meditation series is a great way to start. Plus, in the series. There's meditations about relaxation.
[00:24:52] Dr. Jodi Aman: There's meditations about letting go. There's meditations about making a commitment. There's meditations of different spiritual practices [00:25:00] that you could try to see how they affect you and if you like them. So it's really the beauty of guided meditation is it's great for beginners. That's number four.
[00:25:11] Dr. Jodi Aman: I don't know if you know the numbers here. You access your subconscious. You get into a state of greater awareness, which calms you, and it gives you better perspective. It helps you practice taking your attention on one thing and putting it on something else. It's easy for beginners. Number four, is it that it's easy for beginners because there's a story, there's something to focus on, something a little more hearty than just.
[00:25:37] Dr. Jodi Aman: chanting or a mantra so We do practice with some of those in my series because there's 21 meditations. We do a couple different visualizations that, that could really help you. Alright, so if you're starting out meditating, this is what I would suggest. I would suggest this finding a room where you're not gonna be interrupted.[00:26:00]
[00:26:00] Dr. Jodi Aman: Blocking out at least a couple minutes to start. Don't try to start and meditate for an hour or use a guided meditation because they're time limited and you could see how long a recording is. You're like, eight minutes. I gotta do eight minutes. And it's a little bit easier knowing the time and starting slow.
[00:26:18] Dr. Jodi Aman: Starting short, starting short, even a couple minutes of breathing is gonna make a difference in your day. And you might not see it right away. It's got a cumulative effect. Sometimes it's really transformative pretty immediately, especially those letting go ones, they help you see stuff you wouldn't have seen otherwise, and you really decide to let go.
[00:26:38] Dr. Jodi Aman: You make a commitment. It's really powerful. So start short to get a space that you like. Comfortable. You feel comfortable. It's warm, it's nice. Light a candle. Make a nice space. Number two, start small. Start short. Don't try to do the whole [00:27:00] thing. Don't try to do a marathon meditation. Start small. And number three, choose the right meditations.
[00:27:07] Dr. Jodi Aman: Try a bunch. There's a ton on YouTube. I have a couple on YouTube. You just look Jody Aman and Meditations. There's a couple of those on YouTube. I'll put the links below here as well. And then also you have my 21 day guided meditation series and it is on sale right now for 29 9. It's ridiculous like a.
[00:27:26] Dr. Jodi Aman: You, you gotta go get it. And I'm gonna give you a bonus. I have meditations for sleep as well. I have five meditations that help you go to sleep, especially if you're anxious. Those will be a bonus in this course. You're gonna wanna get all of those meditations. I think that ends up to be like 27 meditation.
[00:27:48] Dr. Jodi Aman: So it is literally, I should put a couple more in there and literally.
[00:27:51] Dr. Jodi Aman: Four. Make a commitment to your healing. Make a commitment. Listen, you can heal. People [00:28:00] don't have to stay with these consequences of the trauma. You can heal, you could work with somebody like me. You could listen to meditations, you could read a book, you could get a friend and really get a workbook get a friend.
[00:28:13] Dr. Jodi Aman: You don't wanna do it alone. Do it with a friend, do it with a counselor, do it with a coach. Do it with a group. I have a group as well, my activate group. You would love it. You could come in anytime. We would love to have you. But commit to your healing because you are so much more awesome than you see.
[00:28:34] Dr. Jodi Aman: And when you heal, you'll see. You'll see what everyone else sees and how wonderful and lovely and beautiful that you are. I am thinking of you. I love you. I want you to feel your best and love yourself as much as you deserve to because you are amazing. You are amazing. You're amazing. You're amazing.
[00:28:55] Dr. Jodi Aman: Okay, so we are live every Monday at 8:00 PM. And [00:29:00] sign up for email update so you don't miss anything and you know what the topic is before it comes out. So you make sure you're here on time at 8:00 PM every Monday. Sometimes I have guests, sometimes Lily's on, and sometimes I have a call in coachee.
[00:29:13] Dr. Jodi Aman: And that could be you. So go to jodiaman.com/live and sign up for updates. So I'll see you next Monday.