How to Stop Negative Thinking and Reclaim Your Power Negative thoughts can clutter your mind, making you feel stuck, anxious, or even powerless. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to stay in that cycle. In this episode of Ask Dr. Jodi, I’m diving deep into the root causes of negative thinking, why it happens, and how to stop giving it so much power. I’m also joined by Tom, who shares his personal struggles with anxiety and negative thinking. Together, we explore practical strategies to break free from these thoughts and reclaim your energy, peace, and confidence. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by self-doubt, fear, or constant worry, this episode is for you. It’s time to stop engaging with those negative thoughts and start taking back control of your mental space.
In this empowering and insightful episode, I break down the science and psychology behind negative thinking and share actionable tips to help you move forward. Along with Tom’s story, we cover:
This episode is packed with relatable stories, expert advice, and simple steps to help you shift your mindset and feel more empowered.
Key Takeaways
✔ Understand Negative Thinking: Learn why your brain gets stuck in cycles of worry and self-judgment.
✔ Stop Engaging with Negative Thoughts: Discover how to acknowledge your thoughts without giving them energy or attention.
✔ Reclaim Your Energy: Replace mental clutter with creative projects or activities that engage your mind.
✔ Build Self-Trust: Use gratitude and accomplishment journaling to rebuild your confidence.
✔ Break the Cycle: Practice shifting your focus and letting go of thoughts that don’t serve you.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Thank You for Listening!
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[00:00:00] Dr. Jodi Aman: Hey, do you struggle with negative thinking with tons of thoughts in your mind that clutter that space and build with negative, I don't know, negative thoughts, negative ideas, negative self judgments, worries. Who has that going on in their mind right now? In this episode, we are taking two, take two. Because last week my mic wasn't [00:00:30] working and this week I did a sound check.
[00:00:31] So I'm working and we're going to go over that topic again because I think it's so important right now. We have a culture of people who overthink. Because our capacity to think is huge. We have evolved for 2 million years to solve problems and figure things out and understand and learn. And so our brain has this huge capacity to do things all of the time.
[00:00:59] And in this [00:01:00] modern world, we have so much luxury that we have a lot of space left over because we're not solving problems all day about how, where we live, how to keep warm, how to eat, how to be safe. We're not doing that constantly all day. So there's a lot of leftover capacity in our minds for thinking.
[00:01:21] People who are busier or engaged or creative and doing lots of things that fill their life with [00:01:30] engagement, mind engagement usually have less negative thoughts. They have them because they're in this culture too. If you've grown up in western culture, American culture, but also culture that's been exported around the world, this western culture, then you have grown up.
[00:01:49] With these high unrealistic expectations and because we have these high unrealistic expectations and we are self-governing, so we're [00:02:00] governing whether we reach those or not, we're not sure what they are, they're definitely unrealistic but we're not sure what we are. They are, and so we try to get even higher and do more and be better so that we are not judged inadequate.
[00:02:16] That's what's going on, right? So we have this Western culture. I wouldn't wanna live in any other regime where we're controlled. That may be a worry right now. Yes it [00:02:30] is. But. But this culture is not good for our psyche, this individualistic culture that we have, these high expectations of ourself and it's deteriorated our mental health over the last 50 years, even more so than before that.
[00:02:44] And that's because. We have more and more modern conveniences. We have screens, right? And so many messages on these screens are reminding us or telling us. It's not reminding us 'cause it's not the truth. That we're powerless and [00:03:00] worthless and out of control and anxiety and depression are skyrocketing, especially among young people.
[00:03:05] But really all ages, all ages are struggling with this right now. So there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing this, there's nothing like you're not weak, nothing wrong with you for having these negative thoughts or these worried thoughts or anxious thoughts. This is a regular human response to our world.
[00:03:25] It's a regular human response to our world, but. That doesn't mean it's [00:03:30] a life sentence and then you have to stay that way. It's just if you understand it and what's going on, I could show you how to stop giving so much attention to these negative thoughts because that's a problem. That's the problem.
[00:03:44] When we're so cluttered with negative thoughts, they take our attention. They're a beacon for our attention because they usually are about something that matters to us. Usually about something that's really important to us. And so they matter so much that [00:04:00] we're trying to solve the problem that they are saying that there is.
[00:04:04] So they're saying you're inadequate and inner mind, it's not a problem because that is just an opinion or just an idea that you're telling yourself because of these negative thoughts. And then we're trying to solve our own inadequacy. We can't because we have to stay inadequate because that's because if we think anything else of each other, we might be wrong of ourselves.
[00:04:27] If we think anything else, we think that we're [00:04:30] better, we're going to question ourself because that's what we've grown up to do and think we're grown up to do. Be like, if we're adequate. If we think we're adequate, we question that. Because if we're wrong about that, someone's going to find out we're wrong.
[00:04:47] We think we're in, we're adequate, we're inadequate, and they will kick us out. This always goes back to wanting to belong. We have a biological need to belong [00:05:00] as humans because it meant safety. As we were evolving, as our species was evolving, we needed community. We are we are a social species. And so we needed community to survive, to keep warm.
[00:05:14] We needed it to protect ourself against the elements and against the dangerous animals out there. We needed community to help raise our younger people so that some people could get food and some people could stay and take care of the home and [00:05:30] protect the home and the young people, right?
[00:05:34] So we needed community to survive. So it's biological in us to belong. So we have these two aspects. One aspect is we have so much capacity to think we've leftover space. And so we end up thinking negative because we're in this western culture who has these high expectations that we cannot meet, and so we feel inadequate.
[00:05:57] So that extra stuff is going [00:06:00] to be negative.
[00:06:02] I put them both together when I was going to say one and two. One is we have all this extra space, and two is that we have these high expectations that we're trying to measure up, so that extra space is taken up by. Okay, so that is what's going on. That's why we're here. And if you wondering, do I have too much negative thinking clutter.
[00:06:23] If you're feeling bad about yourself, bad about the world, bad about fear, a lot of fear stopping you [00:06:30] from different things, then this might be a problem for you. You have so many negative thoughts in your mind. They are affecting your daily life. And if they're affecting your daily life, it's heartbreaking.
[00:06:42] It's heartbreaking for me to know that they do. They do affect daily life of so many people, negative thoughts, worried thoughts, anxious thoughts. But there is something that you could do about them, and I'm going to talk about them a little bit more and tell you why a little bit more tell you some of the negative consequences [00:07:00] of the negative thinking besides the obvious ones that you feel horrible.
[00:07:04] And then we're going to invite Tom. And Tom is a guest tonight on the show who wants to talk about some of his specific negative thoughts. And we're going to through Tom, I'm going to tell you how to approach your negative thinking because a lot of us think that we could undo the negative thinking with positive thinking, but there's a little more nuance than that.
[00:07:28] That is great [00:07:30] in a lot of ways, and it helps people in a lot of ways, but some people it doesn't. And I'm going to explain a little bit of why it doesn't, let me give you some examples before we bring Tom on. Let me give you some examples of, blame game because this is a huge part of this negative clutter that's in our mind right now. Blame is a huge problem, and let me explain why Blame is such a huge problem for people. We like order, humans like order. [00:08:00] 'cause it makes sense. We wanna understand things because it makes us feel safe to have order.
[00:08:05] We wanna see something and be like, oh, that makes sense. And then we feel safe. There's so many things that happen to us in this world that are disordered or chaotic or anything horrible that happens to you that's chaotic and it's nonsensical in that way, it becomes nonsensical. It's not expected.
[00:08:27] You don't expect people to kill other [00:08:30] people or for example, so because it's unexpected, it's nonsensical. We don't understand it. And as humans who want order, we try to make sense of it as fast as we possibly can. So something happens to us and we're like, okay, how do I rock this? How do I understand this?
[00:08:53] And the fastest way to get order is blame. So the fastest way to get [00:09:00] order is blame, so we go right to blame because that gives us a sense of control fast. In that chaotic event. Unfortunately, especially when we're young, we end up blaming ourselves and mostly at any age that happens to. But when something nonsensical happens, quite often we start to blame ourself.
[00:09:21] But then there's also this inner defense because we're like, no, that wasn't fair and I, I don't think I did deserve it. And [00:09:30] so we try to blame somebody else, or the other person, or the person who did it. And then our mind keeps questioning 'cause we're not really sure about either one. And so we're trying to assign blame so that we can get back in control.
[00:09:43] But what happens is this blame game and going back and forth, was it me? Was it them? Was it me? Was it them? This conflict within ourself is a huge factor and negative clutter. That's, that occupies our mind. And it as a [00:10:00] therapist, as working with people for 28 years, I've seen this over and over again.
[00:10:03] This is one of the worst things for somebody, especially if they've experienced trauma, is this blame game that takes up so much time and energy. It really zaps you, right? If your energy and time is taken up with negative thinking, you are exhausted, so exhausted, that it's hard to heal. It's hard to take action that you need to do to heal because it beats you right down.[00:10:30]
[00:10:30] It's so, so beating. And to try to measure up to unrealistic expectations and constantly thinking of yourself as inadequate also beats you down. Worries beat you down. Negative thinking beats you down and negative self-judgment beats you down. All of these things in comparing yourself to other people, you're always going to, you're always going to think of yourself an advocate because the negative thinking has you comparing yourself to whatever [00:11:00] good thing they have and the worst thing that you have.
[00:11:03] That's what comparison culture has us do. We look at somebody and we pick their very, very best aspect, and then we compare it to our very worst aspect. And that's what we do. I was mentioning the phone, I was mentioning screens because there are messages that we're getting 24 hours a day also that perpetuates this negative thinking because these messages tell us we're worthless or powerless or out of control.[00:11:30]
[00:11:30] I talk about this in my TedX talk is that we have these messages every day, message, marketing messages, comparison messages, and then other traumas that we see happening, and we've lost this cause and effect, understanding that there's cause and there's a cause and then effect of that cause. And we've lost that.
[00:11:49] It just, everything feels so random because all we see is this. Results. We don't see the cause of these things and we see this thin results and [00:12:00] everything seems random and random, which contributes to us feeling worthless and helpless and outta control. And the marketing messages which are constantly like, you need this to feel whole you.
[00:12:12] This is scary. So you need this to fix it. They're all, they're always like pushing our pain points. So all day long, 24 hours a day, you're on this thing with marketing messages, pushing your pain points, reminding you of what you're inadequate about, what you're out of control about, what you're [00:12:30] worthless about.
[00:12:31] So you could buy their product and recover from that, but that doesn't really work. First of all, sometimes we can't buy the product 'cause we don't have the money. And sometimes you get the product and you're still feeling adequate. The messages stick though. The messages that you are powerless, worthless, and out of control stick.
[00:12:50] You buy the product, you still get the messages. They still stick. Okay, so let's bring Tom, on, oh, let me just talk [00:13:00] about negative consequences. And I'm sure when we bring him on, he is going to let us know some of his personal negative consequences of his thinking, because we're going to ask him about some of his thoughts.
[00:13:09] But the biggest negative consequence of negative thinking is having anxiety and having depression, and they feel awful. I don't wish this on anybody and my worst enemy to have anxiety or depression, it's the worst feeling in the entire world. And when people feel that way, when people feel so [00:13:30] powerless and worthless and outta control and they have anxiety or depression, sometimes they try to get power over other people.
[00:13:38] They try to regulate their emotions. There's a handful of people do that, and then there's some people who withdraw into themselves. Or they try to beat themself up because they feel powerless. They try to beat themself up. It's almost a way to try to control yourself. Some people control themselves with food or exercise or overworking or some other kind of addiction, [00:14:00] right?
[00:14:00] It's about self-control. But there's this third category of people who discover their agency, discover they are powerful, and they step into their power that they have that's sustainable. Not this power over is unsustainable, but this empowerment of connected and trust in themselves and those people feel better.
[00:14:25] And that's what we're all about here. So let me bring Tom on. Let's [00:14:30] hear about his thoughts and let's see if we could help him feel better.
[00:14:36] Hi, Tom. Thanks. Welcome.
[00:14:39] Tom: No problem. How are you?
[00:14:41] Dr. Jodi Aman: Good. So tell me what's going on? Why did you want to volunteer for this episode on negative thinking or anxious thoughts?
[00:14:49] Tom: I think some of the problems I have were, not just the anxiety, but like the compound nature of the anxiety as far as.
[00:14:59] [00:15:00] Already feeling like as far as one of my problems is like driving or driving and being alone, and I worry driving and being alone. I'm already at a diminished capacity. Or if I'm anxious at home alone or doing something that I'm already feeling it diminished capacity for, I'm worried that I'm going to be called upon for something else.
[00:15:24] Something like, an emergency or. A flat tire or a family emergency. [00:15:30] Those are the things that kind of, the compounding anxieties on top of anxiety,
[00:15:34] Dr. Jodi Aman: okay. So when, so you have anxiety and what? You have feelings of anxiety. So you feel anxiety when you're alone. And then that's the diminished capacity. 'cause you're already anxious, you're feeling anxious, so you have the symptoms of anxiety, that's what you're saying?
[00:15:51] Tom: Yes.
[00:15:52] Dr. Jodi Aman: And then, so that's what you're calling diminished cap, and then you judge yourself as having diminished capacity because the anxiety.
[00:15:59] Tom: [00:16:00] Yes.
[00:16:00] Dr. Jodi Aman: And so then you're like, what if something happens and I'm needed, but I'm in this state?
[00:16:05] Is that what you're saying? Yes. Yep. Exactly. Just wanna make sure I got it. Okay. Yep. So then, because you're so worried, what if there's an emergency and I'm needed, but I'm diminished? It perpetuates the anxiety and makes you more anxious. Like a snowball.
[00:16:19] Tom: Exactly.
[00:16:20] Dr. Jodi Aman: Then you're more worried about an emergency happening 'cause your anxiety's higher and then it just keeps getting Exactly.
[00:16:28] Do you [00:16:30] ever did this ever, did, were you ever alone whether you had anxiety or not in the moment? Were you ever alone and there was an emergency? Maybe not a huge one, like a leak, that, that kind of level. Was there anything like that? Do you remember any time that, someone forgot their lunch and you had to go?
[00:16:51] Tom: There, there has been instances yes, where I actually had to do the things, and I rise to the occasion, something happened this past week with my [00:17:00] parents and I rose to the occasion, was able to do it. It's just, it's, it makes me just uncomfortable and worried about, more worried about the next time,
[00:17:10] Dr. Jodi Aman: okay. So you did it. So when you've had to do something like that, you did it, but how does doing it. Make you more worried about the next time instead of more confident about that? How does anxiety turn that around to
[00:17:27] Tom: I, I think it's because I'd [00:17:30] like to think, all right, this is a possibility.
[00:17:32] There is a possibility that when I'm down I could get hit again. And so I have to be careful, I guess maybe. So
[00:17:37] Dr. Jodi Aman: anxiety's picking up on C, it's a possibility. And not and nobody's picking up on anxiety's not going to do this for you, for sure. Nobody's picking up on I did it.
[00:17:50] And when you had to go and do that errand or something, when you were called and had to go and do that errand, did you, did your anxiety go up
[00:17:58] Tom: it Yes.
[00:17:59] Say
[00:17:59] Dr. Jodi Aman: the [00:18:00] same or go down?
[00:18:00] Tom: It? It went up for a while until I was able to accomplish it.
[00:18:05] Dr. Jodi Aman: And okay. Yeah.
[00:18:08] All right. So let me, I'm just trying to get myself into the matrix of that thought.
[00:18:14] Tom: Yeah.
[00:18:14] I could be more, be specific there. Be specific
[00:18:16] Dr. Jodi Aman: Is there certain things, when you say I could be more specific, is there certain emergencies that the anxiety likes to tell you might happen?
[00:18:24] Tom: Medical, obviously, anything medical or, with family or friends and thing that, that, that would [00:18:30] be probably the worst case scenario, I would say.
[00:18:32] Dr. Jodi Aman: Okay. So it says, so anxiety, if something medical might happen, you might be called upon to. Go and help or go and tend to somebody, but you have a diminished capacity, so it makes you worried about it.
[00:18:45] Yep. Okay. This is the, so when I was in the beginning, I was talking about that positive self-talk that people often use when they have these anxious thoughts. So it's an anxious thought, [00:19:00]I am anxious, I've diminished capacity. And we're not even talking about what makes you anxious in the first place.
[00:19:06] And then I might be called upon. And maybe that's actually feeding it in the first place too. Yes. When you know you're going to be alone, you're worried about that emergency thing at diminished capacity, which gives you diminished capacity, which makes you more worried, right? Yes. Okay. Or is there something else that, is there anything else that makes me anxious when you know you're going to be alone?
[00:19:28]
[00:19:28] Tom: No, I think you, just, you [00:19:30] could nailed it there. Okay. The anxiety about the anxiety too,
[00:19:33] Dr. Jodi Aman: yeah. So it's interesting. So you're less, you are worried about something bad happening, but mostly, specifically worried about something bad happening with diminished capacity.
[00:19:43] And if you were to do positive self-talk, and I'm not sure if you had a therapist or anybody who ever talked to you about positive self-talk, what do you think that might look like in this scenario?
[00:19:53] Tom: I try to do like the writing three, writing down some things that you're grateful for. Thing, the [00:20:00] accomplishments that I'm able to get things done.
[00:20:03] I try to do those daily or weekly. Awesome. But I do take the losses harder than I take the losses harder than I take the, than the wins lift me. I should.
[00:20:14] Dr. Jodi Aman: Okay. And the losses are really, because if you have a lot of anxiety and you don't up doing something or can't do something.
[00:20:23] 'cause there's so much anxiety about if I'm at diminished capacity and I can't be an emergency, or if I'm, if I [00:20:30] go somewhere and I'm anxious and I'm ruining the time for everybody that's a common one too. Yes. Okay. For example, someone might do positive self off. I'll be okay. That probably won't happen.
[00:20:43] Odds are that's not going to happen today. If it does happen, I'll deal with it then like, why worry about something happening if it's not happening? You're trying to solve an unsolvable problem, which is what anxiety wants you to do. It wants to distract you trying to solve a problem. How am I going to respond to an emergency [00:21:00] when I'm at diminished capacity?
[00:21:02] But that's not a problem right now. So it's lying to you and having you solve an unsolvable problem. So one idea that many people use in cognitive behavioral therapy is this positive self-talk by saying odds are it's not going to happen. Usually I'm okay if it does happen.
[00:21:19] I don't have to worry about that. I don't have to solve a problem That's. Not happening right now, right? So that would be one way to go. And I feel you probably wouldn't be calling in if that worked for you [00:21:30] because yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah.
[00:21:32] Tom: No, yeah, it's, yeah, it doesn't, that hasn't been super helpful in the past, but.
[00:21:37] Dr. Jodi Aman: Okay. One thing that I do teach in my book, because I've very familiar with these negative thoughts. I've had them myself. I've seen so many people and there's different, I started to notice that these negative thoughts were similar. They acted the same, but they had different content. So yours is really specific.
[00:21:57] It's like I'm I, if I have anxiety of a diminished [00:22:00] capacity and I might have emergency, I won't be able to do it. I hope it's okay if I'm repeating this. It's not making you anxious just to think about it, is it? No, you're fine. That's the content of the thought and because it's familiar, because it has a lot of energy to it, because we've had it for a really long time because.
[00:22:18] We love the people and we don't want to not be able to be there for them if there was a problem. So it's like anxiety has to work on something that's really important to you. It gets you because it's [00:22:30] this is so important to me. Yes. That I want to be able to be there for my family if they needed me.
[00:22:35] That's so important to you. And it's like beautiful that it's so important to you. That's why it works. If it was, if your anxiety said, if your anxiety said you're going to be a terrible nut bowl picker. I dunno if you've heard me use this example before. I always use this example. I love it because it's so random, but if someone, if your anxiety was like, Tom, you cannot pick out a good bowl to display nuts at a [00:23:00] party.
[00:23:01] You wouldn't care. Because it's just not something that's important to you. It has to get something that's really important to you and your family is important to you. We get engaged in the content. Because of that, it knows what to do to get us engaged in the content. If someone calls you a bad nutbowl picker, you wouldn't really give that the time of day or much energy.
[00:23:21] You'd be like that. You're laughed. You'd laugh that off and be like, that person's crazy and which would be great, right? But so if you think about it this [00:23:30] way, anxiety needs you to engage in the content of the thought because even if you're doing positive self-talk to try to debate it, you're still debating it and giving it energy.
[00:23:41] It's like I'll be okay. No, I What if I'm not okay? I'll be okay. No. What if I'm not okay? What if and no, it's okay. I'm safe now. But what if, like we're debating in our head, it's like that blame game, but it's also like the what if game. That keeps people engaged. So even with the positive self-talk, the [00:24:00] anxiety could just continue to argue and it's like happy 'cause it gets our attention, it still has our intention, right?
[00:24:07] Yeah. We still feel horrible. It's still cluttering us with these negative thinking. And so what I like to do is not get in the content in the first place. So all these thoughts have tons and tons of energy for you because you've thought them for a really long time. And then they come, you're like, it's here.
[00:24:23] Oh no. Okay, I'm going to get anxious because it's here and this is my thing. And your body's this is where we have to [00:24:30] protect Tom. And it releases all your adrenaline and it like trying to protect you. But obviously you're not in danger and so you don't need it, but that's, your body thinks it's helping you.
[00:24:41] And and your mind is trying to solve this problem because this thinks it's helping you and your body's giving you adrenaline 'cause it think it's helping you. But what if we didn't get into the content at all? So what if when you're, when you started to be like, what if I get, I'm going to be alone? What if I get anxious, then I'm diminished and I can't [00:25:00] help?
[00:25:00] So that's the content of it. I'm going to be alone. What if I'm going to be alone, I'm definitely getting diminished. 'cause I'm anxious when I'm alone. And I'm What if there's an emergency? What if the thought came through and you're like, oh, there it is. I knew that was going to come.
[00:25:17] Just have a seat. I'm busy right now. What if you did? What if you was like, I don't know what we call it the diminished, diminished. Person thought or something? Something like general over general. [00:25:30] Okay. The call, the thought something. So we're like out of the content of it, but we have a name for it.
[00:25:36] You could just say negative thought. Okay. So Oh, there's a negative thought. I knew you'd come. Because I'm going to be alone today. I knew you'd come. I'm waiting for you. Have a seat. I'm busy right now. And you have to have a project actually, because you wanna engage your mind in something else. It's hard to push something outta your mind without replacing it.
[00:25:55] So you could all day be like, stop thinking about this. Just stop thinking about, of emergency [00:26:00] and it actually is feeding it because you're afraid of it and because you're like trying to run away. It's like a monster coming to get you.
[00:26:08] And so you wanna, if you're not afraid of it, you're not giving it energy that gives it energy. It's oh, it's here again and I'm going to get upset. And it's it feeds it. So if you were to say oh, there's that negative thought I. I knew you'd come back. I always say, I knew you'd come back because I, 'cause it upsets us that it came back and that upsetness [00:26:30] perpetuates the anxiety.
[00:26:31] So your amygdala needs you to be upset to perpetuate it. If you weren't upset about the thought or the adrenaline feeling, the symptoms of adrenaline, then that would just stop, do you ever have someone startle you, you got startled and they scared you and you jumped. But it was funny because it was your friend or your wife or something like that.
[00:26:50] Yeah. Yeah. And your adrenaline goes off, but you're kinda laughing. You know you're safe. How long does it last Till the adrenaline goes back down?
[00:26:59] Tom: Yeah, it's very quick. [00:27:00]
[00:27:00] Dr. Jodi Aman: It's very quick. That's how quick it would go down if you weren't afraid of it. Yeah. But you have anxiety and you're afraid of it and you're bothered by it because you're like, I'm diminished and I couldn't help somebody.
[00:27:11] And then that would be the worst thing in your mind is if somebody needed you and you couldn't be there, that's like the worst thing for you.
[00:27:17] But it's not happening. And you spent a lot of time and energy thinking about that. So if you so if you said, oh, there's the ne negative thought. I knew you'd come back, [00:27:30] but you're not upset about it. See how, there's no energy about it. When you're like, I knew you'd come back. You're like, oh, about it again.
[00:27:37] I can't, there's no energy. You're just like relaxed about it and then you just say, have a seat. And then you have to engage yourself in something else, and it's going to keep coming back because this is a really familiar thought. What happens when we have tons and tons, we have thousands of, hundreds of thousands of thoughts in our mind.
[00:27:55] And over a week we have so many thoughts, maybe 10,000 a day or 60,000 a [00:28:00] day. Some scientists think, of course, it's a little bit of a theory and a guess, but but the going theory is like 12 to 60,000 thoughts. The ones that are familiar or upsetting or weird or crazy or funny, you pull them into your consciousness and this one gets pulled in because it's so familiar and so upsetting.
[00:28:22] And with this practice of saying, oh, there's a negative thought. Have a seat. I'm busy right now. If you don't attach to it, it actually, you're subconscious [00:28:30] actually stops pulling it into your consciousness. Okay? And eventually you stop thinking about this thought. And then you, but then you have to gauge yourself in something else.
[00:28:40] So at first it's going to come often. And then it's going to come less and less often and spread further and further out. So that's what happens with these. Some people call 'em like an intrusive thought. But it's really just an anxiety, it's just how anxiety works on people. And sometimes we have specific thoughts that kind of give us a [00:29:00] hook.
[00:29:00] And sometimes we have a bunch of them that hook us in or that sound familiar or upsetting and we pull them in and we think only weird people think this. We're like, oh, this is only weird. People think something like this, that they're diminished capacity and they can't do this and are so like frozen by this thing.
[00:29:20] Then we start, judging ourself that just feeds it too. How's this landing? What are you thinking?
[00:29:26] Tom: Yeah. No, I it I understand where you're coming from that I [00:29:30] said change The outlook though is
[00:29:32] Dr. Jodi Aman: I think you're just not going to, so the outlook sounds a little bit more like positive self-talk.
[00:29:37] Like it's be positive or, yeah. Have confidence in yourself, but we're really going to practice, stop engaging in the content. It seems like it would never work. It seems like it, I'm sure. Yeah. It seems like that's, I've tried everything. This is like bs. And it's a practice, but really it needs your energy.
[00:29:57] It needs your focus and your attention. [00:30:00] And it's getting it because it's very upsetting. Yeah. And you're suffering. So if you weren't suffering, there'd be no big deal. We're just trying to help the suffering part. There's nothing wrong with you. It's actually a beautiful thing to love your family that much.
[00:30:14] There's nothing wrong with you. This is a regular human response to our world, and it's a regular human response to this kind of thought. It's upsetting, and so we're going to practice not engaging in that. Okay? But the content of [00:30:30] it, and as you practice and practice, it gets easier and easier. At first, it seems like crazy.
[00:30:36] Yeah. Yeah, that's great. 'cause all, there's so much time put into what am I going to do if there's an emergency? Like you're trying to solve the problem, you're engaged in the content of the thought.
[00:30:46] Tom: Yes.
[00:30:48] Dr. Jodi Aman: Okay. I know it sounds like it's not going to work, but I promise you if you did practice that it does, it will take the energy of this exact thought [00:31:00] down.
[00:31:00] But you do need. Creative project. Okay. I can do that. To give yourself some manager. I always tell people to listen to fiction books as well, because that gives you an a, it's a wholly different story to think about instead of, your own stuff. And I know we're going quite over here, but, Oh, that's great.
[00:31:18] Yeah. I love that you do three things. Everybody. You watched my show. I love that you're doing three things you're grateful for and three things that you accomplished either daily or weekly because that is really good to build [00:31:30] self-confidence because anxiety has stripped strips people of their self-confidence and self-trust, and so it is important to build that up.
[00:31:39] But anxiety sounds really loud to you and so probably, you need to get the voice of anxiety down by trying to not give it as much attention. Yes. It's like BS content. Yes. Like the content's arbitrary. This just came to you. Someone else could, it would have a totally different content and it would be just as overwhelmed as you are.
[00:31:59] It's [00:32:00] just different content. Yeah. And this one works on you and has worked so. All right let us know what happens. Okay. Let us know how you feel comment or something, or tell us in the community and I'll share it in a different episode. Your update. Okay. And let's see if we can get you feeling better.
[00:32:16] Tom: All I appreciate it. Thank you so much.
[00:32:18] Dr. Jodi Aman: All right, thanks. Thank you.